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Thanksgiving, No Thanks? November 20, 2007

Posted by Conrad Hubbard in : The Chip , 1 comment so far

Even though it is just days away, and I get 4 days in a row off work, I am really not looking forward to this Thanksgiving. Since my estranged wife took off in June, I have watched every holiday (and my birthday) go by uncelebrated and alone. It has been hard enough, so far, but Thanksgiving and Christmas have always felt like particularly family oriented holidays to me. Sadly, it feels like my family has been ripped away. I don’t feel particularly thankful.

Don’t get me wrong, I know that during the (much longer) Christmas break I will visit my blood family – my brother, sister, mother, father – but I no longer have a family of my own to bring to the table. I had a beautiful wife and her two daughters (even though they are not my kids) with whom to share these family holidays for the past 6 years, and it is a hard adjustment to be without them.

I know that some people will read this, and be turned off by my nostalgia for an idyllic past which is seemingly lost to faithlessness. Hopefully, someone will also see that this is the real me – loyal, compassionate, caring, genuinely attached to my loved ones – and know that I will be true to the future as I have been true to the past. I guess that if there is anything to be thankful for this year, it is that I even have a future and that there is a huge world out there waiting for me to find it. I hope that someone will be thankful that I am here.

A Little Girl in the Middle November 8, 2007

Posted by Conrad Hubbard in : The Chip , 1 comment so far

“Daddy, mommy is not here. She is with Dan in California.”

I am crushed. Again. My estranged wife has been continuously asking me to keep in touch with her daughter, despite the fact that none of her kids are mine. I have flipped back and forth on this, trying to balance my fears that the little one will be hurt with some sense of mental self-preservation. But there it is again: every time I try to make one little girl happy, I get stabbed in the heart. She doesn’t even know what has happened – she is just trying to tell me that mommy isn’t there to talk to me.